I have had some hate mail!
It must have taken someone hours.
Note: I have recently updated the logo for this website. You will see that I have "adopted" the image from the following hate mail. If they try to sue me for copyright, it will make an interesting case.
Last week I received an email from a website that does wacky cartoons that no-one reads. I think it's just two school kids. I told them I didn't want a link from them because their site had no visitors. They accused me of "being corporate" and promised to write a "comic of my demise".
The "comic" arrived in my inbox on Sunday. It's a finely-crafted labour of hate.
It might help for you to re-read the page it is parodying first.
Before you ask, the chap with the pointy teeth is an American grey squirrel who is about to wipe me out of my natural habitat.
I declare War By GIF!
These people clearly produce their best stuff when they are angry. Have a look at their website - it's sheer rubbish. I am therefore hoping to anger these guys into writing me another masterpiece of hate.
I would love to send a vitriolic riposte, but I can't think of what to say. And I can't draw. Can you? If you could knock me up a cartoon, I'll publish it here and give you credits and everything.
I have had my first contributor!
I have just received the following email from someone called Terry Deerstalker.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Terry Deerstalker"
To: "ItchySquirrel"
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2005 3:02 PM
Subject: I hope this helps you out.
Hi
I saw you were in trouble is this the sort of thing you were after?
Terry
Yes, it is! Thank you Terry! You have done a great job of capturing my anger. Thanks for helping me with my "trouble". I bet they are reeling.
I've had a reply from them!
Shouldn't they be studying for their GCSE's? These clowns have a lot of time on their hands...
I think they have gone soft, do you? Now's the time to kick them while they are down.
Who is going to be the second person to roll their sleeves up and join in the fight (on my behalf)?
I need someone to write me an angry reply. I don't want you to be put off by Terry Deerstalker's natural artistic flair. Anyone can have a go. Please email your cartoon to me!
No-one replied in time
This has just come in.
The beard wasn't fake.
I redesigned the website last weekend, with my nice new logo. This morning I received this in my inbox.
I reckon that fraction is nearer to 80% now. But hang on, what's this?...
----- Original Message -----
From: "Roy Brubaker"
To: "Itchy Squirrel"
Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 6:45 PM
Subject: war material
Aight Squirrel man,
Here's some artillery for your battle. You better have the nuts to post it. Pun intended. Write back and let me know if you do. Also, if you have any friends that need a Web page professionally designed or any graphics done, send them to me. I'm a starving freelancer who works for cheap. The favor would be appreciated.
Good luck destroying those prepubescent punks.
Roy
Thanks Roy! That's perfect! It drives the point home without being tasteless or vulgar.
If any of you work for a big company, please get Roy to design your website. I'd love to think we live in a world where someone can win a business deal by drawing mis-shapen genitals on a cartoon squirrel.
Did you enjoy this barrage of hatred?
Then
...Afterwards maybe have a look at my other site, which shows you how to create brilliant portraits, even if you stink at art!.
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